La La La

I always wanted to be exceptionally good.
I sing out of tune.
I dance unsynchronized with the beat.
I'm a SMART FOOL.
Frustrated writer.
LOSER

Disclaimer: I do not own anything, unless stated. :)

12:43

Sa isang di mataong lugar, hinihintay ko siya. Dumating siya at nag usap kami. Inimbitahan ko sya manood ng sine. Nung una ayaw nya pumayag dahil marami na daw ako niyaya. Pero pumayag din sya nung sinabi kong siya lang gusto kong makasama. Maghintay na lang daw ako. 7 ng gabi. Umalis na siya at sinabing magkita na lang kami mamaya. Beso. Pilya pa niyang kinagat ng bahagya ang pisngi ko. Napangiti ako.

Masaya ko. Excited. Maaga pa noon kaya kumain muna kami ng mga kaibigan ko. Street foods.

May nauna na akong niyaya na manood ng sine, sa totoo lang. Pero, hindi talaga siya ang gusto ko makasama manood. Pabiro niyang sinabi na huwag na lang daw kaya kami manood. Sagot agad ako na ‘sige, huwag na lang’.

Balik kami sa pagkain ng street foods. May lumapit na isang kaduda dudang manong sa amin. May kadungisan at mukhang may sira ang kanyang paningin. Namamaga ang isang mata niya. Agad kong kinapa ang pitaka ko ngunit di ko naramdaman. Tinignan ko ang lalaki. Nagulat na lang ako na parang nagbago ang itsura niya. Naging malaki at matabang manong siya. Namangha ako sa mabilis niyang kamay. Pinakita nya sakin ang aking pitaka. Ngunit sunod na nawala naman ang cellphone ko. Mula ulit sa kanyang bulsa, nilabas niya ang cellphone ko at ibinalik sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung matatakot ako o mamamangha sa kanya. Umalis siya at ibinalik sa akin ang lahat ng pinaglaho niya kanina.

Naalala ko na naman ang lakad namin mamayang gabi.

Nakatanggap ako ng text, group message, galing sa kanya. ‘My love <3’, nang nabasa ko ito sa kanyang text hindi na mabura sa aking mukha ang ngiti. Lalo lang akong napasaya ng mensahe niya dahil inisip kong para sa akin ang mga simpleng salitang iyon.

Masaya ako. Nakangiti. Hindi maalis ang kurba ng aking mga labi.

Biglang…

Kumulog.

Bahagyang nagulat ako. Hindi ko na lang inintindi.

Hindi pa rin maalis sa akin ang ngumiti dahil sa sobrang pagkasabik.

Biglang umulan. Nagulat na lang ako dahil sa ingay na dala ng ulan.

Maginaw. Maingay.

Nakahiga ako at nakangiti.

Bakit ako nakahiga samantalang ang alam ko ay nasa labas ako at kumakain.

…

Madilim. Madaling araw na pala. Dinampot ko ang cellphone ko na malapit sa aking higaan para malaman kung anung oras na talaga. Nakapatay. Hindi ko nga pala na-charge kagabi dahil hinayaan ko na lang wala din naman akong load. Binuksan ko ang ilaw at hinanap ang charger.

3:00am. 4 messages received.

Tinignan ko at nagbaka sakaling mayroong text mula sa kanya.

…

…

…

Wala. Nanaginip lang ako. Panaginip nga lang.

Wala kahit isa. Wala. Hindi ko nakita ang mensahe na nagpangiti sa akin kanina.

Panaginip. Panaginip lang.

Nanaginip ako at kasama ka sa panaginip na iyon. Hindi, napanaginipan kita. Ikaw ang panaginip ko.

Masakit. Nasaktan ako. Hindi ko inakala na ganoon kabilis. Kanina lang di ko maalis ang ngiti ko…kanina habang nananaginip ako.

…

Nasaktan ako.

Bakit ka nga ba naman papayag na manood kasama ako? Nung nagbiro nga lang ako kanina…hindi, kahapon na dadalawin kita, na gusto kita makita, ganoon na lamang ang sagot mo.

“Subukan mo, magkakagalit tayo”

Pabiro ulit akong sumagot na, “okay lang na magalit ka basta masilayan lang kita”, sabay tanong ng “bakit naman? Grabe ah.”

“ayoko eh.”

“Okay. Di naman ako namimilit eh. :)”

At dun nagtapos ang usapan natin. Minabuti ko na rin na di mangulit dahil alam kong seryoso ka. Seryoso ka sa sinabi mo.

Malinaw pa sa akin na ayaw mo kong makita. Masakit. Ansakit sakit. Lalo lang akong nasaktan dahil sa panaginip na yun.

Naisip ko, umaasa pa pala ako…

umaasa LANG pala ako.

…

Kahit pala ang panaginip ko kaya akong saktan.

Hindi ko akalain na ang nakita kong napakasayang nangyayari ay ang magbibigay sa akin ng matinding kirot sa aking pagmulat.

Umaasa ako. Umaasa.

Nabubuhay ako sa mundong ako ang may likha.

Pinipilit paniwalain ang sarili na iyon ang realidad.

Ngunit, hindi.

…

Siguro, hanggang doon na lang. Suko na ako.

…

Suko na.

-AMT

[04:00am. Thu 13/10/2011]

(Source: http)

Anonymity: I AM NON SENSE

I want to feel anonymity.

I want to share things to people that doesn’t know me.

I express. I am depressed.

I feel sad. I am sad.

I hate that I failed.

I hate that I listen to sad songs when I feel sad.

I hate it when I can’t even finish this…

I hate it when it takes minutes, took minutes before I can add some more words.

I don’t know what’s on her mind.

I don’t know, I’m not really sure.

She cracked a joke, I wanted to smile. My heart.

My heart wants to believe that t’was not playtime.

But the other side says, its part of the playtime.

Rejected calls.

Unanswered calls.

Expecting a text.

Expecting a call.

THIS IS NON-SENSE.

I am nonsense.

I don’t see, I can hardly see my worth.

I can’t understand. I don’t understand.

I don’t understand my value.

I don’t know what to write in my name tag.

My value in her eyes.

My worth in her heart.

All is blurred.

You may laugh. I don’t care.

I wanted someone to come across this.

Someone who doesn’t know me personally.

I say I’m not in good mood.

I’m not in good grammar.

I should have just slept rather than wasting time writing this.

I say never mind. But I mean, I wish you got it.

I hope someone would understand. 

At the same time, I wish that that someone would be … (unfinished thought)

Finally received a message from her.

Thinking if I should reply.

Minutes gone, still not composing a reply.

Googled Bipolar disorder…from manic highs to depressive lows.

I need sleep. I think I should sleep.

Now, I click CREATE POST.

Explicit pictures of Garrote used on Filipinos found online

pinoytumblr:

All Filipinos learn about the GOMBURZA in History class, so everyone knows about how the three priests (Mariano Gómez, José Apolonio Burgos, and Jacinto Zamora) were executed by garrote. Here are pictures of the strangulation device used on other Filipinos, from before and during the American occupation of the Philippines.

Here’s a picture of capital punishment carried out on a criminal, dated 1901 from the US Library of Congress. The location of the execution? New Bilibid Prison.

Just a warning: Take note that some of the images below depict people being put to death.

Read More

o_o

(Source: technogra.ph)

Keychains I own atm which are also suits in Pockie Ninja I also have Tobi, Sai, Zetsu and Kankuro. :)) planning to buy Hidan and Kakuzu next. I still can&#8217;t see them both on store. :|

Keychains I own atm which are also suits in Pockie Ninja

I also have Tobi, Sai, Zetsu and Kankuro. :))

planning to buy Hidan and Kakuzu next. I still can’t see them both on store. :|

My entry to @PockieNinja event: Pockie Ninja&#8217;s Got Talent!

My entry to @PockieNinja event: Pockie Ninja’s Got Talent!

happy birthday :&#8217;&gt; oct29,2011 11:28pm

happy birthday :’>

oct29,2011

11:28pm

pinoytumblr: Pelikula Q&amp;A: Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank Jansen Musico with writer Chris Martinez Pelikula: You’re back for Cinemalaya, but not as the director… Chris: Marlon Rivera is directing. Siya yung co-producer ko sa 100. We take turns. Siya naman ngayon. Siya naman ang magdidirect… He used to be my boss at Basic Advertising. He was my CD before I became a CD myself. Pelikula: Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank is a parody of the culture of indie filmmaking in the Philippines and, ironically, a part of that is Cinemalaya. What spurred you to make such a film? Chris: I think it’s relevant. It’s about independent filmmaking. It exposes our identity as a cinema. Naisip namin ‘yan when we were going around festivals. The audience abroad were shocked with 100. It’s a Filipino film with a woman who lives in a nice condo. I wanted to say, “Hindi po kami lahat mahirap sa Pilipinas. Hindi po kami lahat nakitira sa ilalim ng tulay.” Kasi yun ang image nila, that’s why na-shock sila. Some of them were reacting in a way like, “How can you do a film like this when there are poor people in your country?” or “What if Mylene Dizon was poor, would she be able to do all the 100 things she did?” Pero middle class po kami eh. Hindi ba’t middle class ang pinaka kawawa dito sa bansang ito? We’re the ones who pay taxes to take care of everybody. So naisip namin, let’s make fun of it. Ito ba ang gusto niyo? Poverty? O ayan, poverty! Pero paglalaruan namin. Kasi ‘yun ang naging identity natin sa festivals. These people want to see something they don’t have in their country. This something that needs to be talked about. It something that needs to be discussed. We’ll give you something that you want, but this is our take. Pelikula: Tell us about the characters. What made you pick those three for your story? Chris: Septic Tank’s a comedy about a producer, writer, and production manager who actually doesn’t have a dialogue. She’s a bit player. They come to Starbucks to meet. They have their iPads, SLRs, cellphones, iPhones, and gadgets, and they speak in English. They want to do a film about poverty. Their dream is to make the first Filipino film to make it to the Oscars. Sinasadya nila na magpakita ng poverty kasi alam nila na it’s going to be picked up by international festivals. But they’re not bad people, they’re just naive and misguided. While looking for actors, we were thinking, “Why not cast actual filmmakers in the role of filmmakers?” [They approached a prominent young independent filmmaker who declined, citing his zero skills in acting.] Ang lakas maka-meta, ‘no?” Pelikula: What’s your personal stance on the whole mainstream VS indie debate? Chris: Sa ‘kin pareho lang eh. The way I delineate indie and mainstream is really all on economics. Caregiver would have been an indie film if may strict budget yung independent producer. KimmyDora is an independently-produced film with mainstream aspirations. Siyempre kapag mainstream, mas malaki ang pressure mo to do something that is a definite crowd pleaser. Kailangan kang panoorin ng tao. Kapag indie kasi, may limit yung budget, so that’s easy to recoup in the future. Kapag mainstream malaki ang budget, kasama na ang promo. For that to break even, you have to earn thrice. I think mas nakakapressure ang mainstream in the way that it has to be more commercially appealing. Kapag independent kasi alam mo naman ang expectations mo eh. For Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank we’re not expecting a blockbuster film. If mainstream ang aspiration mo lagi, your film needs to make money so the producers can recover their investment and do more films. —Ang Babae sa Septic Tank opens in wide release today. (via pelikula)

pinoytumblr:

Pelikula Q&A: Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank
Jansen Musico with writer Chris Martinez

Pelikula: You’re back for Cinemalaya, but not as the director…
Chris: Marlon Rivera is directing. Siya yung co-producer ko sa 100. We take turns. Siya naman ngayon. Siya naman ang magdidirect… He used to be my boss at Basic Advertising. He was my CD before I became a CD myself.

Pelikula: Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank is a parody of the culture of indie filmmaking in the Philippines and, ironically, a part of that is Cinemalaya. What spurred you to make such a film?
Chris: I think it’s relevant. It’s about independent filmmaking. It exposes our identity as a cinema.

Naisip namin ‘yan when we were going around festivals. The audience abroad were shocked with 100. It’s a Filipino film with a woman who lives in a nice condo. I wanted to say, “Hindi po kami lahat mahirap sa Pilipinas. Hindi po kami lahat nakitira sa ilalim ng tulay.” Kasi yun ang image nila, that’s why na-shock sila. Some of them were reacting in a way like, “How can you do a film like this when there are poor people in your country?” or “What if Mylene Dizon was poor, would she be able to do all the 100 things she did?” Pero middle class po kami eh. Hindi ba’t middle class ang pinaka kawawa dito sa bansang ito? We’re the ones who pay taxes to take care of everybody. So naisip namin, let’s make fun of it. Ito ba ang gusto niyo? Poverty? O ayan, poverty! Pero paglalaruan namin.

Kasi ‘yun ang naging identity natin sa festivals. These people want to see something they don’t have in their country. This something that needs to be talked about. It something that needs to be discussed. We’ll give you something that you want, but this is our take.

Pelikula: Tell us about the characters. What made you pick those three for your story?
Chris: Septic Tank’s a comedy about a producer, writer, and production manager who actually doesn’t have a dialogue. She’s a bit player. They come to Starbucks to meet. They have their iPads, SLRs, cellphones, iPhones, and gadgets, and they speak in English. They want to do a film about poverty. Their dream is to make the first Filipino film to make it to the Oscars. Sinasadya nila na magpakita ng poverty kasi alam nila na it’s going to be picked up by international festivals. But they’re not bad people, they’re just naive and misguided.

While looking for actors, we were thinking, “Why not cast actual filmmakers in the role of filmmakers?” [They approached a prominent young independent filmmaker who declined, citing his zero skills in acting.] Ang lakas maka-meta, ‘no?”

Pelikula: What’s your personal stance on the whole mainstream VS indie debate?
Chris: Sa ‘kin pareho lang eh. The way I delineate indie and mainstream is really all on economics. Caregiver would have been an indie film if may strict budget yung independent producer. KimmyDora is an independently-produced film with mainstream aspirations. Siyempre kapag mainstream, mas malaki ang pressure mo to do something that is a definite crowd pleaser. Kailangan kang panoorin ng tao. Kapag indie kasi, may limit yung budget, so that’s easy to recoup in the future. Kapag mainstream malaki ang budget, kasama na ang promo. For that to break even, you have to earn thrice.

I think mas nakakapressure ang mainstream in the way that it has to be more commercially appealing. Kapag independent kasi alam mo naman ang expectations mo eh. For Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank we’re not expecting a blockbuster film. If mainstream ang aspiration mo lagi, your film needs to make money so the producers can recover their investment and do more films.

—
Ang Babae sa Septic Tank opens in wide release today.

(via pelikula)

SUPER SAYAN MODE WITH ULTIMATE DEFENSE lol

SUPER SAYAN MODE WITH ULTIMATE DEFENSE lol

Find the Hidden&#8230; Mickey&#8230;no, Naruto.

Find the Hidden… Mickey…no, Naruto.